Why We Self-Sabotage?
Zoi Saad, RTT Therapist,
Hypnotherapist & NLP Practitioner
My clients often ask, why am I Self-Sabotaging?
The truth is, your unconscious mind is more committed to your current reality, than the promise of your future goals.
Self-Sabotage is your subconscious mind's way of showing you, whose boss.
If you want to out-boss the boss, it is totally possible! All you need to do is learn to hack the subconscious mind.
So in order to hack the subconscious mind and understand further why we Self-Sabotage, we need to understand the drivers of the subconscious.
Below we share with you the FOUR key reasons that our inner subconscious minds, do what they do.
What you can see, you can work with.
RULE 1: UNFAMILIAR IS UNFAVOURABLE
Your subconscious mind is driven to avoid RISK at all cost. AT ALL COST.
👉 What it doesn’t know, presents as risk.
👉 What does not seem familiar, presents as risk.
👉 What may in some way seem like something else that was once risky, presents as risk.
This is the reason that things that seem familiar, that remind us of friends and family and communities and spaces we loved have an immediate emotional impact on us. This is also the reason that when presented with something new, or challenging, our first response is to feel nerves or discomfort or unease and usually move away, back to “safe” and familiar. Consider that familiar is not always fun and love and freedom. Familiar, can also be the pain we have sat in for some time. Familiar, can also be loneliness, addiction or feeling nothing at all.
🏁 Knowing this, opens up 2 possibilities:
1.
❎ If you know you are programmed to do that, that EVERY ONE is programmed to do that, then the rhetoric of “When I feel this way, it must mean something” goes out the window… So too does the expectation that we shouldn’t feel fear or unease.
✔️ What this makes possible is an option so few of us knew we had, which is to feel the fear or discomfort or terror and move forward anyway.
2.
❎ If we know that there is this invisible force drawing us closer to what we know, then it serves in our best interest to familiarise ourselves asap with the world we WANT to know.
✔️ Make the unfamiliar, familiar, as quickly and profoundly as possible.
✔️ The greater you immerse yourself in the sights, sounds, tastes, and textures of this desired world/life, the less resistance you will receive from your subconscious.
RULE 2: PLEASURE TRUMPS PAIN
This rule, we are certain, comes as no surprise.
This rule lies at the core of all transformation and is the reason that all those attempts you made to quit or change that habit, never worked!
Ever
struggled with a diet?
gave up on gym membership?
tried to quit alcohol, gambling, smoking, gaming or porn?
gone back to a toxic relationship because the pain of being alone felt greater than the cost of staying?
Or perhaps you
didn't say yes to that opportunity, preferring the comfort of your current job?
stayed with the partner everyone else loved, in place of that one you loved?
played it safe, in place of playing it large?
🔑 The KEY to Unlocking Rule #2
If you mind is constantly orientating toward the options that appear to offer the greatest immediate reward (fun, love, luxury, status, safety), and away from anything that appears to offer hurdles, challenges or pain, then you have not only 1 barrier but 2, to achieving your dreams.
For your subconscious to move towards your goals, you must:
⚡ Attach pain to pleasure
⚡ Attach pleasure to the pain
Easier said than done?
Answer this:
What will this choice/habit cost you in 6 months from now? 1 year? 5 years?
What are you sacrificing every time you choose this?
What impact does that sacrifice have on the people you love most? What impact will that have 10 years from now?
What are you teaching your kids, or partner, is OK for them?
Try this for things you want more of:
What is the purpose of this action?
How does this choice open the door to the future you dream of?
What are you saying no to, every time you are saying yes to this?
RULE 3: THE WORDS AND IMAGES YOU USE WEIGH A TONNE
🙊
One of the most common complaints from people is that their quiet time, is filled with automatic negative self-talk.
You're not good enough, you're too old, too fat, too boring, too damaged...
The more you utter these words to yourself, the more your mind confirms they must be true.
The more true the mind thinks they are, the more evidence it will seek to confirm what it already knows...
(The subconscious likes the familiar remember...)
In order words, the words you say, the images you conceive, form the BLUEPRINT of your self-image.
Not only do they impact your relationship with yourself, but they drive your focus and direct your awareness!
💥
So, if your perception of life will either shrink or expand to fit the words and images you are feeding your subconscious mind....
It is FUNDAMENTAL, that we shift our relationship with these words, from automatic to manual.
In the beginning you will need to drive in manual and feed the vehicle (your subconscious), words and images, consciously with volition.
Then one day, you will notice that the words come on their own.
✍🏽 3 HACKS OR STRATEGIES FOR USING WORDS WITH INTENT
✅ 1
When you hear a Negative Soundtrack on loop, flip it over.
I am terrified --> I am ecstatic.
I am worthless --> I am incredible.
What you are doing by using the opposite language is priming the mind to find evidence of these strengths > driving your focus to what is possible, in place of lack.
✅ 2
Start each day with these 3 Affirmations:
I AM ENOUGH
I AM WORTHY
I AM LOVABLE
✅ 3
Get clear on your purpose and vision for your ideal future.
Breathe life into that future through daily visualisation exercises.
RULE 4: YOUR SUBSCONSCIOUS IS ALWAYS ON MISSION
To understand this rule, you may want to bring to your mind an image of a soldier, whose purpose is driven by the mission on hand. Their needs and wants come second, to the mission.
The mission, drives direction.
The mission, drives decisions.
The mission, dictates what will be sacrificed.
Every action is considered within the scope of the mission and everything that does not align is entirely and absolutely IGNORED!
➡️ What if we told you, that... Your actions, your words and your emotions are soldiers on mission, acting out the commands of their Sergeant: Your Subconscious.
✖️ Have you struggled to change a behaviour, despite doing all the right things?
✖️ Have you bought into a structure, that worked for others, but didn't work for you?
✖️ Have you tried for years to break free of bad habits, but keep cycling back without success?
Your subconscious is holding onto these limits or actions, for a reason.
It may not be a good reason, but the problem is that as long as your subconscious thinks it is, trying to effect change on the outside, will yield NO REAL results!
😮 What is usually most astounding to our clients after an RTT session, is the realisation that even what they would consider a meaningless habit or behaviour, usually holds a specific purpose or function at a subconscious level; a function they never would have seen, or realised on their own.
In order words, the reason you are getting the results you are getting is because your subconscious believes that THIS is the outcome you want.
To shift the outcomes and get the results they want, our clients go on a journey inwards moving from Awareness through to Acceptance before finally arriving at new and meaningful Action.
Working with the subconscious means that we leverage your brain's neuroplasticity, to effect change rapidly from inside out.
🔍 If you are curious to find out more about RTT https://www.eunoiamindset.com.au/what-is-rtt
The Four Rules of the Mind credit @MarisaPeerTherapy