The Wisdom of Burnout
I know burnout well!
It’s that feeling of soul-crushing relentlessness, with a dash of numbness and teaspoon of rage.
I was working 16 hour days to simply “catch-up”.
I sacrificed exercise, meals and sleep constantly for work deadlines - all because there was not enough time!
Running a business can be extremely demanding, especially when your products and services rock! When we hit 7 figures the need for systems, strong leadership and senior management all exploded overnight.
So too did my sanity.
“Get more support”, my friends would say.
“I was so Burnt Out, I was Constantly Resentful and Frustrated”
I’d laugh - you know that laugh because you want to cry laugh? That one.
Because that process of hiring, training and mentoring actually added more to my already overflowing plate than simplifying wearing all the hats!
Support would help in the long run, I knew that, but it felt like using my last ounce of energy to build a raft, when what I needed was a lifeboat!
The funny part! I used to love what I did. But over time, the load just became unmanageable. The faster I peddled, the more fatigued I became.
My team could see it too, they would avoid asking for help or reaching out because they didn’t want to put MORE on my plate.
The impact of course, was miscommunication and a lack of cohesion. We were individual ships on their own paths, in place of the fleet I needed us to be.
The worst part was I started to become resentful and frustrated at the people I worked with!
Over time, I started to realise that the resentment wasn't at my colleagues, it was at me.
Over time, I started to realise that the resentment wasn't at my colleagues, it was at me.
I resented myself for dropping the ball and not being the kind of leader I knew I was capable of!
I resented myself for betraying my own needs for rest and sleep and play!
I resented myself for putting this business over my loved ones!
The strangest part was that I actually thought the problem could be solved with more ACTION. If I just kept pushing and hustling and moving, I would come out on the other side - suddenly serene, successful and stress-free!
Or was it that moving was all I had even known how to do?
Had I known then what I now know, after hundreds (if not thousands) of hours training in personal psychology, coaching and leadership I could have saved myself so much angst, pain and ineffective action!
If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing it would be this:
Activity is not the same as productivity!
Reconnect with this moment.
Reconnect with you.
Reconnect with your why.
I can say with certainty that what I learnt from that period is one of the core reasons that I’ve been able to help so many people reconnect with Balance in Eunoia.