Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser
As a recovering People Pleaser, saying ‘no’ has always been a challenge for me. I viewed it as letting people down or in some cases even rejecting them…
So many times, I said yes to avoid conflict or discomfort.
If I am being honest, I used to tell myself that I was saying yes to protect or please others, but really, I was trying to protect myself from being rejected and feeling unloved.
“There came a point where I realised I had lost myself. I had sacrificed so much of ‘me’, I had let people’s expectations hold the ‘pen’ in the story of my life.”
There came a point where I realised I had lost myself. I had sacrificed so much of ‘me’, I had let people’s expectations hold the ‘pen’ in the story of my life.
When I realised how many of my own needs, desires and dreams I was saying “no” to, in order to say yes to everything else, I felt a deep surge of grief.
That’s when I decided to begin my journey back to ‘me’. Instead of saying yes to everyone else, I started saying yes to ME!
I started by tuning back into my inner voice. Asking myself what was important to me. Discovering almost all over again who it was that I am.
And as I embarked on my journey to self-love and authenticity, I went from saying ‘yes’ all the time, to ‘yes’ sometimes...
Let me tell you! This in itself was hard!
Generosity & Contribution are my highest values, so I still say ‘YES’ a lot! In fact, I love saying yes to people!
But what has changed is that now, I have unravelled the automatic yes, so that I am happy even when saying ‘No’.
I say No, with kindness and gratitude.
I have learned to say No, without feeling compelled to explain myself.
Sometimes I slip up... so now instead of doing it anyway, I reassess and ask myself if this is aligned with my needs, values and goals.
If that's a Yes for all 3, I go ahead.