From Imposter to Empowered

Confession: I’ve had a lifelong phobia of public speaking. 

There I said it.

14 years ago the phobia was so crippling that I remember being on a tour with 15 other people and when it came time to introduce myself, I literally HID under the seat so I did not have to speak!

In front of 15 people.
Who ironically knew I was there and hiding (even worse right)!

The thing is when I was speaking to 1-2 people or socially it never was a problem. I spoke freely without a second thought. 

But when the spotlight suddenly fell on me and I had to present, I would shut down and shrink into myself.

My arms would get sweaty - my heart would race - my entire body would seize in a big knot and I would feel physically sick in the stomach. 

It was like I was experiencing intense trauma.

And the worst part I would go COMPLETELY blank, no words would come, so if I did open my mouth I would say nothing or something that didn’t sound like me and made me feel even more uncomfortable! 

And then when the moment was done I would be hit with this wave of exhaustion like my body was coming out of a war zone!

It was so intense it would derail me for DAYS after, not just the moment of speaking itself - because of course in the aftermath I felt the shame of having responded like that!

I internally judged and berated myself for not being able to just ‘get over it’.

When we launched Eunoia Mindset - the resistance I felt to actually sharing posts on my personal social media was pretty intense! 

On the day of our first workshop I actually lost my voice and could not speak even if I wanted to!

That is how powerful my body’s resistance to this was!

Worse, I felt like a complete fraud! 
Helping my clients overcome their phobias and step into full uninhibited empowerment -  whilst meanwhile I had this phobia the world did not know about…

Now clearly, for me to be telling you this now, something had to shift.

And it did in a big way.

Today…
I can record videos without a second thought.
I run our Authentic Impact Mastermind alongside Sophia.
I’ve been on podcasts.
I make reels, people - without the nausea!

I still feel the fear (to a much smaller degree), but I do it anyway.

Why am I telling you this?

Because in order to turn this phobia around the first step was to accept that this bodily response was 100% an unconscious response!

It didn’t matter how much I WILLED it away, it was there and sometimes even stronger!

For me to turn this around I had to let go of the judgement game, I had to exit the self-criticism loop and stop attaching meaning to the fact my body did this stuff.

When I simply accepted that at some point my body decided speaking was not safe for me and I had to lovingly teach it, that's no longer true for adult me… I could then BEGIN to work on it.

Once I was free to do that, here’s what I did:

1. Set an intention to FACE it and stop running
   This freed a TONNE of energy - energy I was otherwise putting into keeping this secret. When I let this go and started sharing my story, I started to realise how many OTHERS shared these feelings and I discovered that by sharing this I gave other people permission to be vulnerable too!

2. Did the inner work!
   I did a lot of work on it! Work on visibility, on trusting myself, on accessing my power, on unlocking my voice, on shining, on my authenticity, on being good enough… on imposter syndrome! I did hypnotherapy, RTT and coaching and each helped me break the automatic pattern and neurology of freeze and panic to be able to move to where I am now!

3. I challenged myself
   I actually committed to run Workshops and Bootcamps, I said yes even though I was PETRIFIED initially! I started small guys, a video, a segment, a piece and then moved up, co-facilitation, smaller groups until now I run a weekly mastermind and actually ENJOY those sessions!  This was important because I learnt that I could do it, one baby step at a time, and from that baby step, the next step did not seem so far away…Each time, the charge became less and less. 

4. Manage my energy
   The last 2 years have been a 24/7 growth zone! When we are in our growth zone, when we are in a space of challenge or unknown, it takes a lot more energy! That kind of energy needs to be cultivated, I actually had to be a lot more intentional about balancing energy enhancing activities and growth activities to avoid burnout!

Now maybe you don’t have a phobia like I did…

Maybe you’ve never felt like a fraud…

Maybe there is just a space in your life, where you are holding back, where you can see you are not performing at your best, or being your best self…

Whatever your secret is, I hope these 4 steps can serve you as they did me!